a few weeks ago peter and i were driving down the mountains and back into the city after a spontaneous decision to go mudding/rock climbing in his truck...11,000 feet up. (it was absolutely breathtaking.)

my mind started to wander to the months/weeks/days leading up to february 7th, the day we got married. i was remembering all the pre-marital/marital advice we both received, and while we collected a lot of really great advice that Peter and I have used and gone back to...there was one tip in particular that we got *a lot*. it wasn't so much "advice" as a statement they wanted us to consider and prepare for.

"your first year of marriage is going to be really hard...".

pre-marriage, those words were really hard to swallow. i honestly know that most, if not all, those people that told us that were just wanting us to realize that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows. when the honey-moon stage begins to fade and as we settle into the daily grind, life hits...and it can hit really hard sometimes.

so, as we drove down the mountain that sunday afternoon, i asked peter.
"I know we're not a year into marriage yet...but if we were celebrating our one year anniversary tomorrow, what would your answer be if someone were to ask you if our first year was hard?"

his response was beautiful, refreshing, and right where my heart was at as well.


we've had a lot of different things thrown at us in the last 9 months.

a month into our marriage peter had to work in kansas and could only commute home on the weekends.
we lost our first baby.
financial strain...those moments of panic and fear where we wondered where next month's rent was coming from.
peter had a knee surgery that we thought would only mean 3 days off work-except it turned into 4-5 weeks off. (and i'm telling ya, that really was rough for a guy who needs to be moving and working. being unable to walk and confined to the couch for weeks was beyond frustrating for him.)
just to name a few, but each one of these "trials" has stretched us in ways we didn't know we needed or could be stretched. each trial has been hard, but as we consider how they have changed our lives, it has been a beautiful reminder that our God heals physically and emotionally. He comforts His children. He constantly provides. He loves...and He teaches us how to love.

we have had hard moments. hard days. hard trials. there is no trying to mask that.
but we have also had some of the absolute BEST days.

whether it is as little or big as,
dreaming and planning for the future together. (our absolutely favorite thing to do together.)
spending a weekend in a castle.
learning all the fun, quirky, habits of your spouse.
cooking together. even if that means making homemade churros at midnight. ;)
weekly date nights.
road-tripping together.
finding out again we were going to have a new bundle of joy join our family in March, and this time it was/is with a healthy pregnancy. (praise God!)
spontaneous trips into the mountains, spontaneous lunch dates, spontaneous get-togethers with friends or family. (we kinda have a thing with being spontaneous.)
having your best friend to come home to.
praying...crying...laughing together.
things as simple and comforting as a hand to hold or compassionate arms to wrap around you.
so, while the last 9 months may not have left us completely unscathed, it has been, without a doubt, the favorite year of our lives, because while it's been one of the saddest, it's been the happiest.


it has by no means been anything we have done, mind you...we give all the thanks and all the praise to The One who brought us together in the first place. He who has had all these days planned and numbered long before there was ever an "us".

we're incredibly thankful for what we have learned. we are thankful for the people God has put into our lives to encourage, offer advice, and pray for us. and we're so thankful for these last few months...and so, so excited for the years to come.

We are so thrilled to announce: 

"you're gonna be a daddy!"

On Tuesday, at the very first prenatal appointment we decided to try and hear the heartbeat of the baby with the doppler. The midwife echoed all the research I had done leading up to the appointment, "don't be surprised if we don't hear the heartbeat. Sometimes we aren't able to pick it up until 12 weeks." 

After the miscarriage, it's been a daily fight for me not to fall into fear that the baby isn't okay or that I won't have him or her for much longer. The Lord's been constantly giving me opportunities to run to Him in prayer. Constantly reminding me that He has been and will be faithful through whatever happens. Whether or not I *get* the opportunity to carry this little one for one more day or walk through life with them, I will praise the Lord. I see His graciousness towards me and towards our little family and I'm drawn closer to Jesus. 

So when the midwife put the doppler on my stomach and started to move it around, I found myself holding my breath and just asking the Lord to allow us to hear a strong beat...to know that everything was going well and that baby was alive and growing. And sure enough, in those next few seconds...I heard the most beautiful sound. Hearing that strong heart beat brought tears to my eyes, but more than anything put a smile on my face that I couldn't contain. It was a beautiful answer of prayer and such a sweet reassurance. I will cherish that first sign of life for the rest of my life. 

 Then on Wednesday...Wednesday we got to see the baby. ♥

There he or she was...squirming around with a strong 169 heartbeat. We laid eyes on our 9.5 week blessing and it was love at first sight. 

It wasn't just a clump of cells to us. 

It was our baby. 

With toes up in the air. 

The arms moving. 

It was gorgeous...and I hope and pray I get to hold this one in my arms. 

We're so thankful to Jesus for blessing us again...so soon. We're grateful, so so grateful. 

And yet, my heart hurts for those mama's who are making the decision to terminate these little lives...I pray for you. I pray that the blessing of children would be revealed to you. I pray that whatever road it is that you're walking, that you would be able to see the sacrificial love Jesus has to offer. The forgiveness He is willing to grant  and the healing He has to offer to your soul and to your body. There are people out there who want and desire to help you. Who want to pray for you and be the hands and feet of Jesus to you. We don't know what life you have walked...or what your story might be...but we want to love you and offer you hope in Christ. 

Despite what culture might be throwing at you...Children truly are a blessing. And not just the children who get to see the light of day...but also the babies that are two, eight, twelve, twenty weeks in the womb. 

Psalm 127 verse 3 says, 

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, 

The fruit of the womb is a reward." 

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We thank you for the prayers and the love we have received over the last few months. Please keep praying for protection for baby chia (Peter's name for the baby). We hope to meet him or her sometime around March 13, 2016! 

Good morning! Hope everyone's summer is starting off well. We have a guest blogger and a giveaway on the blog today. Enjoy and don't forget to enter to win! 

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Since before I can remember I’ve been doodling through sermons. Not that I wasn’t paying 

attention, but it helped me pay attention, and remember. 

Coupled with that, my mom has always had Bible verse illustrations on display around the house 

growing up, whether handlettering on a chalkboard or embroidered on a pillow, tangibly living 

out Deuteronomy 6:6-9,

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You 

shall teach them diligently to your children...You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and 

they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

But the idea that the scribbles would lead to part of a job were never in my wildest dreams. In 

fact, for a long time I believed that art was secondary, a lesser thing, until high school after 

reading Hidden Art by Edith Schaeffer, the wife of the famous philosopher and missionary. She  writes: 

“It is not a waste of man's time to be creative. It is not a waste to pursue artistic or 

scientific pursuits in creativity, because that is what man was made to be able to do.  He 

was made in the image of a Creator, and given the capacity to create.”

So I grew up and began graphic designing logos and invitations and all sorts of products, but 

creating prints inspired by Scripture are my first-designing-love. And honestly, in the beginning 

it was more for myself, to help me memorize and meditate. I’d  have these verse prints hanging 

up at home, or I’d post a picture on Facebook. And friends and family started asking me to 

design verse art for them as gifts or decorations. 

And now I’m sharing these prints with you and the world through my Etsy shop - Kayla Phillips  Design. 

Links:

Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/shop/kaylaphillipsdesign

Blog - http://ceasingtostrive.blogspot.com

FB :- https//www.facebook.com/kaylaphillipsdesign

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I've seen the work Kayla does, and whether it is invitations for events and weddings, business cards. or these beautiful scripture designs (which i'm about to give away), her work is stunning and I'm privileged to be able to give one of you all these two pieces of her art. 

So! There are two steps to enter: 

First: "Like" Kayla Philips Design on Facebook
(https//www.facebook.com/kaylaphillipsdesign) 

Second: Leave a comment on the blog saying you have entered the giveaway by "liking" her page.

WINNER will be announced on June 17th! 

Thanks everyone, be sure and give Kayla some love! 

a letter to our baby...

Dear Miss Poppy, 

There is so much I want to say to you. 
In the four and a half weeks we had you, you have taught me to love in a whole new way of loving. Little one, your daddy and I adore you. We will forever treasure those four weeks we had with you.  
Seeing how much your daddy loved you, made me fall more in love with him. 

You may wonder how we came up with your name. Baby girl, we gave you that name when we first found out that you had made us parents. you were just barely the size of a poppy seed and right then, daddy started talking to you, kissing you, making sure you knew he loved you, and was praying for you. He would text or call me when he was away at work, working hard to provide for you and I, and would ask me how you were doing. 

Before we had confirmed that you were in existence, you started to give us little signs you were alive and there. Every forty minutes, like clock work, I would need to eat.  I practically ate us out of our house. your daddy was pretty impressed with how much I could pack down for you. Every afternoon, I would take a nap, and I never nap. But guess what, every night at 9pm, no matter where I was, it was time for me to sleep again. 

We don't know why, but Jesus decided to take you home in the early Sunday morning hours. We trust and fully believe that the Lord has done it for a reason and according to His plan, for our good. 

But sweetie, we miss you. You impacted our lives more than anything ever has before. You made us parents. And that's never changing. Whether or not we ever get to hold your sibling(s). You are the one that first made us parents.
You and I are blessed with an absolutely amazing daddy and husband. Even now, he is loving, caring and sacrificially serving me as we go through grieving your loss. He keeps reminding me that you are safe in the arms of Jesus, the One who loves you more than he or I could ever love you. 

Poppy, we look forward to meeting you in Heaven. 

We love you. 

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it's a beautiful saturday morning. the morning sun is pouring through the windows, the french press coffee is brewing, the peanut butter banana pancakes are cooking, and the smells are filling this little apartment with a wonderful morning breakfast aroma. 

i sit here in the kitchen...and listen. the laundry machine whirs quietly, shane and shane plays softly in the background, and i hear my husband sleeping peacefully in the other room after a longer-than-usual work week.

i'm thankful. i'm thankful to be the wife of such an amazing man. he has one of the biggest hearts i have ever known. and i have absolutely no doubt in my mind that if and when that time comes, he is going to make the best daddy ever. 

i'm thankful and humbled that i was given the opportunity of marriage at such a young age. i knew at a young age that ultimately i wanted to serve Jesus as a wife and mother, but never in my wildest dreams would i'd of guessed that it would have come so soon. and yet, even now, it still feels so surreal. 

it's hard to believe that i am peter chapa's wife and companion. we're in an interesting stage of life right now where i only see him on the weekends due to work. it doesn't get easier...we dread saying those goodbyes every monday morning, but we're thankful for the work he has been blessed with. and it's testing and teaching me to choose joy and thankfulness. every.single.day. 

yes, somedays i absolutely fail in this area, but Jesus is so faithful in always bringing me back to Him. reminding me of His goodness, His faithfulness, and my constant need to trust Him through it all. 

"Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8

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so today, i am thankful for Jesus. i'm thankful for peter and that i get to be his wife. and i'm thankful for these different seasons of life that we are given to grow our faith deeper and stronger. 

before we got married, peter was told he had a possible job in goodland, kansas, so the possibility of living out there was always in the back of our minds. february ended, march began and there was still no news on when he was going to be needed. 

so the second week of march was upon us and i got a call from peter one afternoon...due to various circumstances, and it working out perfectly with his jobs, he said he wanted to make a road trip from colorado to illinois to south carolina. this was completely unexpected, but i heard the desire to take this trip in his voice, i heard his excitement as he hashed out all the plans, and i heard his anticipation as he waited for me to respond to his idea. 

it was a chance to see my family, visit grandparents, and road trip with peter. i was completely on board. so we finalized travel plans and hit the ground running. 

march 20th was here, and before we began the 4,000+ mile trip, peter took me to a castle for the weekend. we were there with a few other couples from our church for the annual marriage retreat my father-in-law and another elder from our church puts on. it was spectacular! because we were the newest married couple, we received the honeymoon suite. and let me tell ya, this place was something special! 

the weekend ended all too soon, but our vacation was just beginning. i've always liked road tripping...snacks, music, snacks, movies, snacks?...are all favorites, but being able to spend hours of uninterrupted time to talk, reminisce, and dream with peter was definitely a highlight of the trip. 

family time varied from my family and grandparetns, to peters in south carolina. getting time with all these special people, meant the world. there's nothing quite so bittersweet though as finding out your baby sister has matured into a beautiful young lady. conversations like: "how has school been?" "it's been great! i'm really starting to enjoy my studies. and even though math is hard...i'm catching on!" make my big sister heart proud. or her smiling and seeing braces on her teeth...makes me realize she is growing up...and growing up fast.

i've noticed that the hardest part about living away from my family is the mundane things. the litttle stuff. those things that almost seem too insignificant to share...but are so special to be a part of or listen to. 

it was an unexpected trip...but one that both peter and i are so

thankful that we ended up doing. we had such a great time and it was a joy to deepen relationships along the way. 

so. where does kansas come into all of this? well. while on our vacation, the details for the work-trip began to get nailed down. we found out peter had lodging, but wasn't going to be able to bring me along. with us not knowing if this trip will be one week or two months...that really didn't excite either of us. but a huge thanks to our amazing dad and brother, they fixed up their rv and un-winterized it for us. so when we arrived home in the late afternoon yesterday, we un-packed and repacked, then headed off to grab the rv and head out for kansas. 

what has this all taught me? 

well, if any of you all know me, you know i like to plan and be organized and have all the finer details worked out. structure and routine are things that help keep me sane. 

but. that'a not always how life works. 

march and april have taken on a whole new plan than i hadn't prepared for. but it has been so good for me. 

it's been a good lesson to let go of the tight grip i have around the planner, and learn that my plans aren't always God's plans. 

learning to be spontaneous and flexible is proving to be an area where i get to lean even more heavily  on Christ for answers and directions. it's proving to be one of the most adventurous, tiring, enjoyable things we've done yet as a married couple. and i wouldn't change it for the world.  

hi! 

welcome to my blog. i've wanted to jump back into the blogging world for several months now. not because i think i am an excellent writer or that i think i'll get one million followers. i've wanted to start it...because even though i'm not an excellent writer, i love to write. and sometimes, it's the best way for me to communicate. 

if we haven't met, hi, i'm lenna. and very recently just became lenna chapa. on february seventh, i married my best friend, peter lewis. i spent most of my childhood in central illinois. besides three years in texas due to the coast guard moving us around, i was born and raised in the midwest. and even though it's not the ocean, or mountains, it'll always hold a special place in my heart. cornfields, cattle and small town festivals are where its at! but, i'm no longer a small town girl. when i married peter, i left family, friends, and everything that had been familiar to me and followed him to the beautiful denver, colorado area. everyday i get to see the beautiful rocky mountains, and every day i fall more in love with them and their Creator. i love the variety you get out here. how one moment you can be shopping in a massive mall, or sitting in stop and go traffic, but in thirty minutes or less, you could be driving straight up into the mountains. 

i'm a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. i was blessed to grow up in a christian home. so i have never known a day where Jesus wasnt being praised or pursued. 

i married one of the most driven and passionate people that i had/have ever met. he loves deeply, works tirelessly, and dreams with no limits or boundaries. 

family...means the world to me. you can imagine how hard it was to leave my parents, brother, and sisters when i moved. but here in colorado, i gained two more parents, two more brothers, four more sisters, and became an aunt. i know, i am so incredibly blessed. 

my likes/loves span from heels, lipstick, shopping, cooking, cleaning, organizing (google docs/calendar/sheets for the win!), to exercising, basketball, babies, tea...dark chocolate and raspberries. 

some call me eccentric and little dramatic...but i find even the littlest accomplishment so exciting. peter calls me his princess and i am one hundred and ten percent okay with that. 

vision for the blog: 

well, i don't have it all nailed down quiet yet. it could be photos. it could be something that's been on my heart, it could be a keeper recipe i tried or created in the kitchen...who knows. 

i'm just glad to be here...and glad to have you here. 

xoxo, 

len marie chapa