a letter to our daughter...

Dear Daniella, 

As I was cleaning our little apartment today and holding you... I took a moment to look down at you. I had had a rough day and was trying hard to process and work through some things, and as I looked down at you, you looked up at me and gave me one of your smiles that lights up your entire face. I immediately broke down crying... 

Little miss, you have given me one of the hardest, most wonderful, tasks. You have made me a mama. And today, the reality of that sunk in...and it hit hard. 

Darling girl, as much as I'd like to keep you from ever getting hurt, from ever feeling pain...that is outside my ability. Life is scary. It's tough. But the trade-off of life is so very awesome and wonderful. Just know, your daddy and I are here to help train you and prepare you. We love you and will always, always, always, be there for you. 

First and foremost, I am praying that you grow to love the Lord with your whole heart. That you would not know a day without knowing your savior. He died on the cross for you, baby girl. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we wouldn't have to. I know that if your heart is completely enraptured with your Heavenly Father...you will desire to obey Him and keep His commandments. It won't be perfect, but fortunately for us...God isn't expecting perfection from us and thanks be to God, he is quick and just to forgive us. 

In correlation with that,  I pray that you would love people well. That you would have a heart that seeks to serve and die to self. That you would love the way Christ loves. You're going to have many opportunities in life where it's going to take work to love and there may be times you're tempted to choose otherwise, but darling, it's worth it.  

Be kind. It seems so simple...but it can be so hard. All throughout life you will have chances to build someone up, or tear someone down. Daniella, be kind. Be considerate. Fight for the underdogs of the world. 

Be honest but gracious. Honesty is something to be admired. Honesty is a beautiful thing... But cover your words, your thoughts, your actions with grace. Be gracious to others... Be gracious to yourself. 

Work hard. Be diligent and a good disciple of what God gives you. Good work ethic is not something to be taken lightly. You are healthy and strong... Don't take that for granted. Work hard. Serve others. Be generous. Be wise with the money you earn.

Know that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful, darling. The world is going to throw many different definitions of the word "beautiful" and try to convince you that you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, strong enough. But Dani, remember...you have been fearfully and wonderfully made. There's only one you, Daniella Marie, on this planet. So no need to spend all your time trying to be like someone else. 

And lastly, just know that your parents are not perfect. We are learning and growing right alongside of you. Give us grace...We have been granted this beautiful privilege of being your parents, and we don't take that for granted. We know we will have to ask you for forgiveness. We know that we will have to discipline you... But just never forget that we love you.  Our prayer is that you would see Christ through us. We are here for you. We are praying for you. 

Don't let anyone ever steal your sense of wonder, baby girl. 

We love you ❤️

In a few weeks, our lives will change forever. The tiny human that has been growing and squirming inside of me for the last eight months will, Lord Willing, make her entrance into the world sometime in the upcoming month. 

Her daddy has built and assembled all of her "nursery room" furniture, he has installed the car seat in the back of his truck, and every night as he holds my stomach to try and keep her feet out of my ribs, he will tell her how much he adores her and how excited he is to see her for the first time. 

And me, well, I just finished washing and organizing all her tiny outfits, slowly but surely putting up the last decorations, and daily adding and checking things off my "master to-do list".

This pregnancy has flown by...and honestly, really was pretty smooth sailing. Even though these kicks and jabs have gotten quite painful and normally take my breath away, I know I'm going to miss this amazing feeling. Even though I move a little slower due to a growing belly and lower back pain, I know it will 110% be worth it. I don't want to wish away the next few weeks...I truly want to do everything I can to savor and enjoy the rest of this pregnancy for however long that might be.

We are so incredibly thankful to all those who have prayed over our baby and this pregnancy. Thankful for everyone who is showering her with thoughtful gifts and absolutely *precious* outfits. And so, so, blown away by everyone who love her so much already. 

Looking forward to introducing you all to her. 

Hope you enjoy just a few of the photos the wonderful Rachel snapped for us a couple Sunday's ago! 

And..the outtakes! Because Peter likes to keep things fun and interesting. ;)

Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.

1 Peter 5:7

 

It is a happy way of soothing sorrow when we can feel-"HE careth for me." Christian! Do not dishonor religion by always wearing a brow of care; come, cast your burden upon your Lord.You are staggering beneath a weight which your Father would not feel. What seems to you a crushing burden, would be to Him but as the small dust of the balance. Nothing is so sweet as to

 

"Lie passive in God's hands,

And know no will but His."

 

O child of suffering, be thou patient; God has not passed thee over in His providence. He who is the feeder of sparrows, will also furnish you with what you need. Sit not down in despair; hope on, hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble, and your opposition shall yet end your distresses. There is One who careth for you. His eye is fixed on you, His heart beats with pity for your woe, and his hand omnipotent shall yet bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. He, if thou art one of His family, will bind up thy wounds, and heal thy broken heart. Doubt not His grace because of thy tribulation, but believe that He loveth thee as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness. What a serene and quiet life might you lead if you would leave providing to the God of providence! With a little oil in the cruse, and a handful of meal in the barrel, Elijah outlived the famine, and you will do the same. If God cares for you, why need you care too? Can you trust Him for your soul, and not for your body? He has never refused to bear your burdens, He has never fainted under their weight. Come, then, soul! have done with fretful care, and leave all thy concerns in the hand of a gracious God.

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Charles Spurgeon's words in his January 6, Morning and Evening devotion have been a sweet balm to my soul. 

Two Thousand and Sixteen is a going to be quite the year. And if there was anything that I constantly needed to learn  in Two Thousand and Fifteen, it was my need to open my clenched fists of how I thought things should go, and hold my hands open, palms upward. Because time and time again...The Lord would reveal to me through His creation, through trials and lessons, through blessings and victories, that He truly cares for and truly loves His children. That He will not ever leave or forsake us. That He will always provide. 

I already know that this coming year is going to be one that stretches me, stretches our growing little family in ways we haven't ever been stretched before. I know we are going to grow, fall more in love with each other and our daughter, go on adventures we couldn't have dreamed of...and I'm so excited. So hopeful. So thankful to have a Father who cares for His children. Thankful for a Father who is constant and unchanging...in a world that is ever changing. 

My prayer is that whatever 2016 brings, wherever it takes us, that we would stay open-palmed and not tight fisted, Because we are most happy when we are at peace. And there is no better way to be peaceful than when we are resting in and trusting our Heavenly Father. 

a few weeks ago peter and i were driving down the mountains and back into the city after a spontaneous decision to go mudding/rock climbing in his truck...11,000 feet up. (it was absolutely breathtaking.)

my mind started to wander to the months/weeks/days leading up to february 7th, the day we got married. i was remembering all the pre-marital/marital advice we both received, and while we collected a lot of really great advice that Peter and I have used and gone back to...there was one tip in particular that we got *a lot*. it wasn't so much "advice" as a statement they wanted us to consider and prepare for.

"your first year of marriage is going to be really hard...".

pre-marriage, those words were really hard to swallow. i honestly know that most, if not all, those people that told us that were just wanting us to realize that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows. when the honey-moon stage begins to fade and as we settle into the daily grind, life hits...and it can hit really hard sometimes.

so, as we drove down the mountain that sunday afternoon, i asked peter.
"I know we're not a year into marriage yet...but if we were celebrating our one year anniversary tomorrow, what would your answer be if someone were to ask you if our first year was hard?"

his response was beautiful, refreshing, and right where my heart was at as well.


we've had a lot of different things thrown at us in the last 9 months.

a month into our marriage peter had to work in kansas and could only commute home on the weekends.
we lost our first baby.
financial strain...those moments of panic and fear where we wondered where next month's rent was coming from.
peter had a knee surgery that we thought would only mean 3 days off work-except it turned into 4-5 weeks off. (and i'm telling ya, that really was rough for a guy who needs to be moving and working. being unable to walk and confined to the couch for weeks was beyond frustrating for him.)
just to name a few, but each one of these "trials" has stretched us in ways we didn't know we needed or could be stretched. each trial has been hard, but as we consider how they have changed our lives, it has been a beautiful reminder that our God heals physically and emotionally. He comforts His children. He constantly provides. He loves...and He teaches us how to love.

we have had hard moments. hard days. hard trials. there is no trying to mask that.
but we have also had some of the absolute BEST days.

whether it is as little or big as,
dreaming and planning for the future together. (our absolutely favorite thing to do together.)
spending a weekend in a castle.
learning all the fun, quirky, habits of your spouse.
cooking together. even if that means making homemade churros at midnight. ;)
weekly date nights.
road-tripping together.
finding out again we were going to have a new bundle of joy join our family in March, and this time it was/is with a healthy pregnancy. (praise God!)
spontaneous trips into the mountains, spontaneous lunch dates, spontaneous get-togethers with friends or family. (we kinda have a thing with being spontaneous.)
having your best friend to come home to.
praying...crying...laughing together.
things as simple and comforting as a hand to hold or compassionate arms to wrap around you.
so, while the last 9 months may not have left us completely unscathed, it has been, without a doubt, the favorite year of our lives, because while it's been one of the saddest, it's been the happiest.


it has by no means been anything we have done, mind you...we give all the thanks and all the praise to The One who brought us together in the first place. He who has had all these days planned and numbered long before there was ever an "us".

we're incredibly thankful for what we have learned. we are thankful for the people God has put into our lives to encourage, offer advice, and pray for us. and we're so thankful for these last few months...and so, so excited for the years to come.

We are so thrilled to announce: 

"you're gonna be a daddy!"

On Tuesday, at the very first prenatal appointment we decided to try and hear the heartbeat of the baby with the doppler. The midwife echoed all the research I had done leading up to the appointment, "don't be surprised if we don't hear the heartbeat. Sometimes we aren't able to pick it up until 12 weeks." 

After the miscarriage, it's been a daily fight for me not to fall into fear that the baby isn't okay or that I won't have him or her for much longer. The Lord's been constantly giving me opportunities to run to Him in prayer. Constantly reminding me that He has been and will be faithful through whatever happens. Whether or not I *get* the opportunity to carry this little one for one more day or walk through life with them, I will praise the Lord. I see His graciousness towards me and towards our little family and I'm drawn closer to Jesus. 

So when the midwife put the doppler on my stomach and started to move it around, I found myself holding my breath and just asking the Lord to allow us to hear a strong beat...to know that everything was going well and that baby was alive and growing. And sure enough, in those next few seconds...I heard the most beautiful sound. Hearing that strong heart beat brought tears to my eyes, but more than anything put a smile on my face that I couldn't contain. It was a beautiful answer of prayer and such a sweet reassurance. I will cherish that first sign of life for the rest of my life. 

 Then on Wednesday...Wednesday we got to see the baby. ♥

There he or she was...squirming around with a strong 169 heartbeat. We laid eyes on our 9.5 week blessing and it was love at first sight. 

It wasn't just a clump of cells to us. 

It was our baby. 

With toes up in the air. 

The arms moving. 

It was gorgeous...and I hope and pray I get to hold this one in my arms. 

We're so thankful to Jesus for blessing us again...so soon. We're grateful, so so grateful. 

And yet, my heart hurts for those mama's who are making the decision to terminate these little lives...I pray for you. I pray that the blessing of children would be revealed to you. I pray that whatever road it is that you're walking, that you would be able to see the sacrificial love Jesus has to offer. The forgiveness He is willing to grant  and the healing He has to offer to your soul and to your body. There are people out there who want and desire to help you. Who want to pray for you and be the hands and feet of Jesus to you. We don't know what life you have walked...or what your story might be...but we want to love you and offer you hope in Christ. 

Despite what culture might be throwing at you...Children truly are a blessing. And not just the children who get to see the light of day...but also the babies that are two, eight, twelve, twenty weeks in the womb. 

Psalm 127 verse 3 says, 

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, 

The fruit of the womb is a reward." 

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We thank you for the prayers and the love we have received over the last few months. Please keep praying for protection for baby chia (Peter's name for the baby). We hope to meet him or her sometime around March 13, 2016! 

Good morning! Hope everyone's summer is starting off well. We have a guest blogger and a giveaway on the blog today. Enjoy and don't forget to enter to win! 

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Since before I can remember I’ve been doodling through sermons. Not that I wasn’t paying 

attention, but it helped me pay attention, and remember. 

Coupled with that, my mom has always had Bible verse illustrations on display around the house 

growing up, whether handlettering on a chalkboard or embroidered on a pillow, tangibly living 

out Deuteronomy 6:6-9,

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You 

shall teach them diligently to your children...You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and 

they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

But the idea that the scribbles would lead to part of a job were never in my wildest dreams. In 

fact, for a long time I believed that art was secondary, a lesser thing, until high school after 

reading Hidden Art by Edith Schaeffer, the wife of the famous philosopher and missionary. She  writes: 

“It is not a waste of man's time to be creative. It is not a waste to pursue artistic or 

scientific pursuits in creativity, because that is what man was made to be able to do.  He 

was made in the image of a Creator, and given the capacity to create.”

So I grew up and began graphic designing logos and invitations and all sorts of products, but 

creating prints inspired by Scripture are my first-designing-love. And honestly, in the beginning 

it was more for myself, to help me memorize and meditate. I’d  have these verse prints hanging 

up at home, or I’d post a picture on Facebook. And friends and family started asking me to 

design verse art for them as gifts or decorations. 

And now I’m sharing these prints with you and the world through my Etsy shop - Kayla Phillips  Design. 

Links:

Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/shop/kaylaphillipsdesign

Blog - http://ceasingtostrive.blogspot.com

FB :- https//www.facebook.com/kaylaphillipsdesign

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I've seen the work Kayla does, and whether it is invitations for events and weddings, business cards. or these beautiful scripture designs (which i'm about to give away), her work is stunning and I'm privileged to be able to give one of you all these two pieces of her art. 

So! There are two steps to enter: 

First: "Like" Kayla Philips Design on Facebook
(https//www.facebook.com/kaylaphillipsdesign) 

Second: Leave a comment on the blog saying you have entered the giveaway by "liking" her page.

WINNER will be announced on June 17th! 

Thanks everyone, be sure and give Kayla some love! 

a letter to our baby...

Dear Miss Poppy, 

There is so much I want to say to you. 
In the four and a half weeks we had you, you have taught me to love in a whole new way of loving. Little one, your daddy and I adore you. We will forever treasure those four weeks we had with you.  
Seeing how much your daddy loved you, made me fall more in love with him. 

You may wonder how we came up with your name. Baby girl, we gave you that name when we first found out that you had made us parents. you were just barely the size of a poppy seed and right then, daddy started talking to you, kissing you, making sure you knew he loved you, and was praying for you. He would text or call me when he was away at work, working hard to provide for you and I, and would ask me how you were doing. 

Before we had confirmed that you were in existence, you started to give us little signs you were alive and there. Every forty minutes, like clock work, I would need to eat.  I practically ate us out of our house. your daddy was pretty impressed with how much I could pack down for you. Every afternoon, I would take a nap, and I never nap. But guess what, every night at 9pm, no matter where I was, it was time for me to sleep again. 

We don't know why, but Jesus decided to take you home in the early Sunday morning hours. We trust and fully believe that the Lord has done it for a reason and according to His plan, for our good. 

But sweetie, we miss you. You impacted our lives more than anything ever has before. You made us parents. And that's never changing. Whether or not we ever get to hold your sibling(s). You are the one that first made us parents.
You and I are blessed with an absolutely amazing daddy and husband. Even now, he is loving, caring and sacrificially serving me as we go through grieving your loss. He keeps reminding me that you are safe in the arms of Jesus, the One who loves you more than he or I could ever love you. 

Poppy, we look forward to meeting you in Heaven. 

We love you.